Mangoes in march

 It’s still March goddamnit! They are already here, temptation thou kicks above the belt, right a the gut. Those golden blobs started showing up at the market early March, no, not gold, though they do cost as much as gold. I am taking about mangoes, the king of fruits, the raison d’existence. Its cruel actually, as a purist I don’t touch mangoes before sometime in April, but this March they are already showing up all over, and boxes of them and those boxes keep disappearing creating a FOMO feeling I haven’t experienced since the dot com bust. What if they get over? Really, who are these people eating mangoes in March, are they going to eat up all the mangoes? Will there be any left? My fruit supplier keeps offering me mangoes, he knows me well, having bought a gazillion mangoes from him the past 10 years. I think he is a sadist though, enjoying every ounce of my discomfort as I refuse, shift my eyes to the watermelon and grapes to whom March belongs.The pain inside amplified by fear, mixed with jealousy and anger, now that’s not what mangoes should evoke in a person.

I have been following the mangoes since the start of the year. No rains in spring, good, keeps the flowers healthy, no insect attacks, awesome, hot summers, good, the perfect storm for tasty mangoes. I also follow the mango trees in Lal Bagh every day, fresh leaves check, flowers check, little mangoes check, growing bigger every day check, this season was supposed to be the best mango season ever.

But when is it the right time to eat the first mango of the season, April 1, March 31, why not March 29? If 29 is ok, then 28 whats in a day? They say the first mango sets the tone for the season and I would hate to have a sour start to my mango campaign. But the mangoes are disappearing, it’s not enough that the best mangoes get exported out of the country my fellow Indians are devouring them. India should ban mango exports, my vote this election is for the party that promises just that, there just aren’t enough mangoes for our own people.

Should I care if they have been artificially ripened, I mean what is artificial? Does the mango care? Should I? I keep asking myself these existential questions. How about I dunk them in our rice bin, wrap them in newspapers and cardboard, sing them lullabies, whatever it takes. Will my soul know that the offering has been tampered with. I find myself asking ChatGPT if it’s ok to eat mangoes in March? Oh god, is the rest of march going to be this insufferable?