I Understand the guy, pissed off with the world

Some times we hear charlie, this normal guy just flipped out, calm quite guy used to take his dog for a walk, play ball with his children and then he shot 4 people on the highway, bombed a building and jumped off a cliff.

Today I can say I understand that guy. I dont mean I am that guy, dont jump to conclusions, I have a modicum of self restraint hhahah. What I am trying to say is I understand how a normal person could do such an act, or rather how circumstances could drive a person flip out.
Its these small things adding up, one after the other, and suddenly you feel like atlas, the world on our shoulders, and then you shrug, and the world around you topples over. I was having a perfectly normal day, woke up went to work and then suddenly on after another the world started attacking me, mercilessly, (bus,work, doctor, nurse, insurance, airline ticket, friend,credit card,bank) and I was exasperated, truly pissed of with this unfair world. And then I thought about what I would be doing if I was a bit fragile and I smiled, I knew what a guy pissed of with the world would do, rather how simple life could drive him to do soemthing insane. I guess everybody has their limits, the big question is when in life do you just flip, flip flop flap dooble gooble doo dif dam dum katar phish kaboooooooom.

Small things just sneak up one at a time and before we know it, all these emotions build up and we are a pressure cooker boiling over. I have this theory, every thing negative that happens to you, winds you up a little bit, builds a little bit of steam in the pressure cooker thats you, the guy who cut across you on the street, the expletive someone used on you, the boss said something, insurance said they wont cover something you need bad, doctor said you are screwed, we know what they are. The steam starts building up and hopefully the pressure weight lets you get the steam out slowly, but if the safety valve is also hurt then there is an explosion. I feel the urge sometimes, if i had an axe i would hack up a tree, they say some offices they have punching bags for people to get their agression out, its actually good to get your agression out once in a while, the more steam you bottle up the bigger the explosion will be some day. Everytime someboy says or does something that pisses you off, do soemthing to get it out, ever been through the relief after punching the boxing bag for 5 mins, I love it, I actually feel emotionally drained sometimes. coaches always get their athletes pumped up by showing them that the world is looking own on then, they need to earn respect, somebody said something about the team etc etc, yes agresion does build up and if you can channelize it, good for you, if not the safest thing is to get it out before you hurt somebody or say something you will regret.

Remember when you are in pain and punch the wall and the pain gets transferred to the hand hahah, it does come back doesnt it, that was one of the first lessons I learnt growing up, also crying once in a while helps, drains out some emotions you can live without, they say emotions are like a bag of bricks, you just have to lay it down istead of carrying them everywhere.
anyhow rant a little, curse that little prick who messed up your hair this week, the big corporation which is taking advantage of you, show them the finger and do something positive with all that anger, dont shoot me.

Idea for a Tv / Radio Show

Its called dinner conversations.
The show is about a dinner among friends, they meet once a month, and talk about life in the world for the past month. Its not just facts, its their reaction to those facts that happened. They might talk about world events, a event that happened in the country, something radical voiced by someone, a burning political issue or anything worth discussing.

How different would it be from all the talk shows and interviews being help everyday on tv, hmm well the selling point here is its opinions voiced by people who have nothing to gain, i mean not immediately. They are talking as if it were a general dinner conversation hapenning anywhere in our houses voicing opinions unabashed, not caring not fearing not worrying.

The trick is to have good characters who represent a wide spectrum of people, they should talk with emotion, there should be fights and agreements. They have their opinions right or wrong, like locke and demosthenes they will fight it out for the world to see and hear, it could be a radio show it could be a tv show.

maybe we can interlace it with the actual cooking and lives of the characters, which might bring light upon where they are coming from, but it shoudnt be a soap. It should be something parents would encourage kids to watch, I remember my parents used to encourage me to watch "the world this week" that was our one window to the world then.

characters
the voice of emotion, ready to scream and fight and will nto change opinions
the voice of reason, slow soft with intelligent answers and logic
the witty, always has a quick wit to counter anything, you wont know what hit you until later
the listner, listning, rarely talking, but listning, observing,
the argueer, arguing for the sake of arguing
the idealist
the realist
the fact machine,
the idiot
the resignator who gives up before every argument


am I contradicting myself by saying it needs to be normal people and then laying out characters. These are broad characters of people i see in normal life, everywhere. these are just the people whom you will find in any party discussion.

Note to Self: Dancing Tips

note to self, how to dance, remember this everytime you ask a girl out to dance. Dont come back alone with a sorry face and write this article again.

If a girl doesnt want to dance, she wont, she will give a million small excuses ranging from I dont like this song, music is bad (unless its really bad, in which case shame on you for asking), just got here, let me finish this drink(rather need a lot more of these to dance with you), and the plain NO (the best oral contraceptive). If she agrees to dance, she wants to dance, unless she has been peer pressured into dancing with you have her for a couple of songs so plan accordingly. Now now dont whip out your pcket pc with pocket project, there is no planning in dancing, you dont plot the points of a dance, its all about the music and the heart. Soemthing without plot points, something that has a beginning and an ending but what happens in between is something that cannot be plotted. But there are some general guidelines.

Scope out the space, thats a big thing. Mark your territory or area in which you can dance, especially in a crowded dance floor. You must know how much space you need for your steps and where the space pockets are. The worst thing is to run out of space, bump people etc remember its the guy who has to keep his eyes out for his girl, she shoudnt bump, trip or run into anything (unless on purpose, thats evil). The girl when dancing should be able to close her eyes and dance, she is placing her trust in you, implicitly, dont lose it.

Dont rush it, lets do the triple toss followed by the whirl, dont try to get into the complicated steps on the first turn, give it some time to develop, do some very simple stuff with her first. Its like exercise, warm up and strecthing is essential. Just feel her out, what cues she responds to, how much pressure you need to apply, how quickly or slowly does she turn, how does she read your body movements, what are her responses. Dancing for a guy is a lot about leading, every girl responds differently to the same lead, learning that is an essential part of dancing, its extremly critical before you launch off into complicated steps. Just walk for a few (tango), basic in and out turns (swing), feel each other out. Some girls atomatically go for a triple turn, some know the steps, some dont, some need more pressure, some are as light as a feather. Find out where your partner is and adjust accordingly. Dancing is not about how many turns you did, but did you look good together, were you both comfortable doing it. Get her response to your pressure, her response to your cues and her step. The girl is like a flower, dont step on her petals, dont move her so, that her dress cant handle the move, learn her before you play her.

Dont invade per private space (atleast not immediately heheheh), let it develop, its like a butterfly, you need to coax her out of her cocoon, she will come, she will, but give her some time. dont dance too close, nor too apart, bring her close and test where she is most comfortable, your next song depends on that. Unless its an act of desperation, for the last song of the night, remember there is the rest of the night, and there is more than her first touch she has to offer.

Talk to her, yes talk to her this is very very important. You are there to have fun and to know each other a little bit more. She wants good feedback, she likes compliments, she like a little joke, she likes a careless whisper and she likes a smile on your face to show that you are having fun too. And for gods sake, look at her when she is dancing, be her audience, your looks says a lot, it shows you appreciate her, you are not dancing for anybody else, its just the two of you for each other. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear, give a kiss on the hand once in a while, and add a wink before a simple step, tell her a joke. Offcourse this comes with a warning, dont be mr chatterbox, after all when the bodies communicate what need is there to talk.

Sometimes high energy is good, but remember dont tire her out. Follow the music. Handle her gently, she is a flower, dont push too hard, dont grab her, well you can grab her, you should, but not that grab. Dont come and tell me I treated her as a flower, and this guy broke her off and took her with him, she is still not a flower in a case, ruffle the petals, smell the fragrance, bee like the bee that touches her everywhere and show your intention that you want the nectar within, or she aint giving it to you.

Dont ever point out mistakes, there are no mistakes in dancing, not like life. A mistake in dancing is just another way of doing something, recover, recover well, untangle and move on. There are no rules for dancing, so you cant break any. There is no rule book that says you have to do step A followed by step 2 and then dip. If you tango on and get tangled up, keep tangoing, you will untangle.

The guy has to essentially do three things, follow the music, remember the steps and give the right lead. He also has to plan his moves. And most important make her look good.

Dont look elsewhere while dancing, dont oogle at the next couple, dont scout for other girls, dont stare at the red dress at the other corner. Girls know and that doesnt usually bode well, grab her attention from doing the same and keep it.

Dont apologize for poor dancing, learn, if you know just a couple of moves mix them up well.

Feel the music, let it sink in, the dance steps will come automatically after that. Dont force the issue there, it wont look good. Each song tells you what can be danced to it.

Most important of all, dance with your heart, dance because you want to, dance because you like who you are dancing with, dance because dancing is a horizonal expression of a vertical intention, dance because there is no better way to know a person, dance because its fun, dance because love is in the air, dance because its sexy, dance because dance is like foreplay, dance because it can be danced and more important dance as if no one is watching.

Philosophers Stone

This is my idea for a club, a forum, a melting point for ideas, the growth of the heart, mind and soul.
We have a group of people duh! (thats the least we can have) they meet once a month or so, or maybe when ever they have a quorum, (drink wine and get layed haha now woudnt that be nice). Jokes apart the idea is to get somebody to speak on a topic they have some authority on. Someone say, Chidambaram the finance minister of India on India and globalization, or anything he wants to speak on, The rising cost of camel shit on the arab market anything he feels like talking about. Maybe a retired chief justice on a certain law point, maybe a sportsman on the state of the game or how he played his game, maybe a business man on laws that need to be changed, or maybe even a film actress on her roles in the movies or an author about a book. A foreign affairs expert on the countries relations with SE Asia, an IAS officer, a politician, a financial expert on world currencies, an editor, a beggar.......The possibilities are endless.

After the person has spoken, the club just breaks up into smaller groups, what ever they are comfortable with, to discuss the issue, their ideas, their opinions etc. Everbody might just form one big circle or break up into smaller groups of their liking. You could just stop by a discussion on your way out and just listen to an interesting point being made, and then jump into the debate. I am not thinking of moderators to move conversations, its a free for all, fight anybody with ideas, build on anyones ideas or just soak in ideas.

It will be called philosophers stone, I see evenings melting into nights, with people discussing world politics, science, history, art, literature at one end, and sharing opinions on love, hate, god, religion, beauty on the other. People sharing ideas, ideas being created, people mulling over these ideas over time and maybe maybe even, something concrete coming out of it.

It will not be a critique about the speaker, or how he spoke or what he could have spoken about, the speaker is just the ignition, where the fire goes from there is up to everybody, walk around the room or park or hall, find a conversation that suits you, find an orgy of ideation which you would like to be a part of, hear and be heard. Leave the combine with ideas swirling in your head, let this be where you come for an inspiration, it doesnt matter if there were two people sharing ideas or 200, ideas were shared.

remember
small minds discuss people
average minds discuss events
great minds discuss ideas

Its almost like an underground gettogether, maybe we dont even need a speaker, maybe its jsut about the youth of the country comign to gether wth ideas of change. It could be elitist oropen to all, I jsut cant get the picture out of my mind, people up till the wee hours of the morning discussing arguing talking sharing ideas. I am not saying that it will change the world, or the country even, if it even sparks one ignition in a single person it would be worth its salt.

Goals and Life

The future is a scary preposition. I always assume that life will go on without any hiccups, I am coasting I boast, and then something happens, spiralling me into the throes of change. The greatest change they say occurs at the edge of chaos. Life is that chaos.

Sometimes I take a minute and try to think as to what I would be doing five years from now, two years from now, and I start shivering, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever, I could be dead for all practical reasons and not miss a beat, literally. A man without a dream, is a rudderless ship a sorry sight, its equivlent to an amputated heart, one that beats for beating sake not for something, not for someone, without any value, its just an appendage. They say its as great a shame to move without dreaming as to dream without moving.

They say the three grand essentials to life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. I definitely am not in love, I dont have anything to do now, atleast anything I value and absolutely no hope for the future, in essence I am a zombie. Wait wait, dont write me of yet....or should I write myself off. Let me try to find the goals that make me tick. I said wait.

It is so essential to have goals, short term and long term, the frution of which or rather the hope of it thereof makes life livable. I think I have small goals, I want to play better volleyball, bowl better, dance better, play better racquet ball, win the next lottery, yeah right! these help me go through everyday life. I am never going to be a world champ in any of these (nor win the lottery) and I know that, but I am just yearning to be better and looking forward to something with immediate payback which makes the day go by, in anticipation, in hope, in planning, in defeat, in victory in work. Its these short term goals that keep me alive, keep me running.

If you have something to look forward to every week, even one small thing, that week goes by quickly, someone told me that, and I find it true. Having something to look forward to at the end of the day makes the day fly by. Its something to look up to, as to a short term goal. I need to be alive to make it to that party, to that volleyball game, to that book club meeting, maybe I am putting it wrong, the anticipation of the fun you will be having will tide you by, there you go. I goto the gym on monday evenings, I have a volleyball league game on tuesdays, I goto Tango class on wednesday, I have bowling league on Thursdays, Friday is usully movie night, dinner night or hang out with friends night. Racquetball games are scheuled for saturday or sunday, I also try to goto the gym saturdays and sundays. I have book club once a month on Sundays. I talk cooking classes with a friend on saturdays, there is usually a party Saturday Night, Sunday night I have another volleyball league, tango practice, colleyball open gym on sunday mornings etc etc. with all this stuff the days just fly by. A friend of mine used to say, Adarsh you put your leg in so many boats, and watching you jump from one boat to another with the risk of falling into the water anytime, its ridiculous, but sure fun to watch. My mantra has always been, if you can do both why compromise.

But events like that are not like a bunch of flowers which however randomly you string together they usually form a pretty garland. My small events strung together will not form a garland thats called my life. It will be a life, thats given, but it wont be something that I can be proud of. Its not something that will make sense few years from now, leave alone 20 years from now. Thats where long term goals come into the picture. There are short term goals that form the individual flowers, but its the long term goals that will give form to the garland, something you can wear and ascend to the next life (go figure, what if I am a cow in the next life). All the little flowers need not add up perfectly in airthmetic progression, but they have to make sense, thats all I need. In prothought or afterthought it doesnt matter, but it has to make sense.

We all know the end result of life, death, there is no escaping that, and its not something we look forward to, it doesnt make life go by, but when the destination is not pretty, the journey has to be, to make life worthwhile, thats where long term goals come into play, now to find that, maybe I need to make that a short term goal out of that.

That is one area I come woefully short, is it that I dont care, or is it that I am not capable of any, either way I feel empty, I admire people who do, and I wish I could have a dream too. They say, if you dont have a dream, find someone, whose dream resonates with you, and work with them, feed of their dream in the process making one for yourself, but how does one resonate with something, I think some peoples dreams are cool, and the little thigns they do add up, those little flowers are all in some airthemetic progression, on its way to make sense, I wish I had something like that.

What do we call a long term plan, is it something like I will build a fortune 500 company, I will win the pulitzer, I shall become a CEO, or is it something like I will build a house, have a good family. Is it something that should be within my means, or something I should aim to reach, a never ending beanstalk, but jack does get there, after then what, which monster will I meet. Is it good to set something that is achieveable, or something I try to death, say you live your life trying to reach somewhere and you reach it, you still have to live the rest of your life.

Anyhow, I shall wait, I shall think, I shall hope that I find something to do

Playing Injured

I have played injured, in the sense I was hurt and in pain, but I played on be it for a league game, intramural sports or sometimes just for fun. Somehow when I step onto the field or the court, I forget everything, its just me inching towards perfection. I believe in my heart more than my body or my mind. My heart says play and I play, irrespective of how my body is, I have played with a fever of 101, I have played with a near broken hand, with only one hand paralyzed, sprained ankles, torn acls, torn meniscus, sore arms legs and everything. I have paid the price many a time but many times I have come out feeling estatic, either way I play on.

This brings me to the case of proffesional athletes, should they be allowed to play injured. From the players point of view its a personal decision, will they listen to their mind,their body or will they listen to their heart, everybody is different. But from the teams perspective, I believe that if the player can be replaced, even remotely, they are better off doing it, its not fair on the other teamates and the fans to put an injured player in the lineup. You can always tell me, what if the player is a michael jordon would you still sit them. It gets tough there, forget the whole re-injury thing, the question is will he hurt the team. He is not 100% he will be a step slower than a normal person, he is a weakness you are carrying. In pure emotion yes he will supply the team with ammo, but in the normal plays he will be a drag on the team. he will make one big play atleast, or rather in the big plays he will be a big factor playing with the pumped up adrenalin, but for the normal moving of the chains he will not be there. He could even be a distraction but also provide the adrenalin for the team.
When you put pressure, some people focus, some people fold, what type of person is he. The player has a duty to show up, give his best and let it be upto the coach and the team to either play him or replace him. Thats my final word, He has to show up, and let the play and the team make the decision.
Why do I play injured, because I am a masochist hahaha no no, because it makes me the underdog right away and then I can play with nothing to lose hmmm maybe, but more important it makes me forget my injury, because I love playing, because I feel alive. What ever happened in the day, in the night, at work, at sleep, I foget everything, that time on the court is just me, me playing marshalling all I have into a goal set by me for me of me.
I feel alive when I am playing. There is something about a team, something about winning, the smell of victory, the feeling after a good bowl, a good smash a good hit a good shot. There is something about the sweat dripping from my hair to the back of my neck as I complete the point.
Sports are the greatest activity invented by mankind, if you havent played, you havent lived. Its not about trying to dunk better than jordan or serve better than becker its how well you can play in your limitations. The same factors hold for everybody, the scales are different, thats all, its the same pressure, its the same skill, concentration, injury circumstances everything, the scales are different hence I play I play as if there were no tomorrow, I play as if today was the last day of my life, I play.